I was feeling kind of wheezy today. I hesitate to mention it because it would be easy to conclude that I am smoking therefore I am wheezy, but I don't think that is the case.

After the balur I was 80 % better... Raina says something was stuck, and today my table was so much blacker than yesterday. Anyway, I will use the syringe to smoke my head and chest tonight and report back.

We are learning a few words in Bahasa...that's what they speak here. Left and right and straight are our most popular words for us because few taxi drivers know where to go.. But it is kind of satisfying when we actually get where we want to go.

A word about the cigarettes... there are about 30 different ones, and They grow the tobacco and roll them at the clinic...each one has a different amino acid or additive...like my favorite, 25...folic acid. Also we have little droppers of what they call nano, and we put a drop before we smoke. I don't like the taste and smoke very little, but it is a direct delivery system for the amino acids and they are hardly adictive. Dr. Gretha told me yesterday she could detox people from heroin in 5 days and I can believe it...

today they made me sing Yesterday by the Beatles during one part... we all sang, and laughed.

In the beginning I thought each treatment would be a chore...but I do like it now.... Except the things we drink...at the end is coffee mixed with a raw egg... that one is tough...

xxxooo

This is me in front of the hotel right after Balur... I still have the stains from the smoke...

and next is the street outside the clinic... and finally, the durian fruit in the market.. the whole place stinks!!!

Today in my treatment I had Reina and Faidja... they are kind of my favorites. During the 2nd round of smoking, Faidja started coughing and choking and she went into the bathroom and almost threw up... I asked if she was sick and Reina sayd that she might have taken some of my free radicals and she had to get them out... everybody felt dizzy today. not me so much...

It must be hard not to take on the sickness of the patients, some days more than others.

My mom is watching MTV... Ke$sha is singing Blah Blah Blah...

I brought a CD I made to the clinic today. We all sang Take a chance on me... ABBA

and A whole new World...It was nice. Adi, one of the young guys that smokes for us sometimes asked of I minded if he came into the room today while he made syringes... He is really funny and asks a lot of questions. It is funny to me when he is in there ... probably because I am nude and soaking in liquid, but I don't care... when they tell me "face up!" and I flip over he always says .."good moving!"

I am making soup and we will eat in tonight... It is a challenge to get food! especially vegetables.

What I wouldn't give for Inaka. and some blue corn chips

It is raining ... thunder. It is the end of the rainy season which is good because there is less typhoid around. yikes... but the balur takes it away anyway.

Thanks to April and Analise who made my sarongs into skirts...! I wear one every day.. it is so hard to put on pants when you are standing in 2 inches of water... the skirts go over the head... It is the simple things that thrill me these days.

I think I needed to get this cancer to persuade me to really change my ways... it makes sense that sometimes you have to be forced. I will surely never go back to my same way of living and thinking...

xxxooo love you all!

Murray....

I met a guy in the clinic .... Murray Clapham. He is a Subud member who has lived here since the 70's but now lives with his wife in Singapore. He is tall and handsome in a Chris Brock way... about 65. He is so nice and friendly, always flagging us a taxi and helping us navigate the city.

He is one of the cases we heard about before we got here... 6 months ago he came to Indonesia to say goodbye to his kids... on a stretcher, very close to dying from advanced prostate cancer. He has been taking these treatments and is basically fine... better than fine. When I see him walking around so vital and happy, it inspires me. I feel pretty great today, I am finding it easier to visualize myself healthy and happy when I feel good... that is the hardest part, staying positive and keeping the doubt away. But all the support from my family and friends if priceless....

so we went to a beach "resort" with Dr. Gretha, Rohanna, a couple of other patients including Wayne from Canada and about 12 people who work in the clinic and at least 20 of their kids.

the kids are so cute and curious... on the 2 hour drive ( we rode in a car alone with rohanna and a driver and everyone else ws on a big bus. ) we stopped for gas and there was a van full of women all wearing white... maybe they were nuns? anyway, I was just standing there while they pulled up and I was aware they were all staring at me.. then the were all laughing! When I got out my camera and they seemed delighted and started posing.

the beach was very beautiful and the cottages were ... rustic. I never saw another white person.

We went to lunch and they have cats everywhere, no dogs...

The beach was full of little shacks that sell stuff, and people and jetskiis and the water was so warm and lovely, the waves seemed to go right through me, even the ones that look like they will take you out are so gentle.

I enjoyed the sunset with some of balur people... Adi and Waldi are especially cute and sweet...

that prominent lump in the horizon is Krakatoa... the volcano. OK?

We danced around the pool after dinner and everyone laughed and sang and had a good time. No Balur yesterday or today and I actually can't wait to get in there tomorrow. We got home around 5 and were crabby and starving. I am trying to get a juicer so I can get some nutrients... maybe tomorrow. Gretha is amazing, she never stops talking about particles and atoms and amino acids. Apparently nicotine has gold and water and your body has water and mercury... and the gold in the tobacco trades places with the mercury in your body. I know... but I had a really weird itchy thing on my palm and I pushed smoke and it disappeared that instant.

xxxooo

Today i was actually excited to get my treatment... After 2 days off I craved it.

I had Joom as usual (the one in the red t-shirt) but I had a new Balurist.. (can't remember her name ) but by now everyone knows each other. It was really different, She spoke a little English. yesterday Dr. Gretha told me you can kind of align yourself with the balurist and share the energy. At one point in the beginning she said something serious in Indonesian and I think she was telling me to get my mind to focus. It was helpful weather or not she actually said that.

I ordered the cancer to get out and visualized being happy and healthy in the future.

I felt so good today, almost euphoric sometimes. The treatment was really pleasent for the most part. Sometimes a guy will squat just outside the room and smoke syringes for us...( the guy in the yellow shirt smoked for me today) It is hard to smoke sometimes when you are lying on the table dripping wet and they are smoking you. When it was over I couldn't help dancing to Michael Jackson while I got dressed.

We found a restaurant finally that had decent food... it is close to the hotel behind a spa and they have food for traveling nature people ... I think. They played the B-52's and Led Zepplin. It was kind of like heaven.

then we took a tiny cab that is like a lawnmower (see photo) to the store called D'Best and I finally got a juicer...We are full of nutrients!

we have been here for a week and it kind of feels like 3. All the skin on my hands is peeling off and they feel rough like sandpaper. Also I am reading Suzanne Sommers book, Knockout. It is about curing cancer without surgery and chemotherapy. It is pretty cheezy but also It makes me so happy I am here...

the other photos are of our clinic friends... It is a joy to see their shining faces.

xxoo

what it looks like

here is what my first table looks like...I take a photo every day of my table after the treatment... these are my filthy feet...

and this is the lovely Faidja... she sweats and spits on the floor while she is smoking me!

I will also mention that the floor is always wet, there is no toilet paper, but there is a little sprayer like the kind you pull out of the side of a faucet in a kitchen. and I have not seen a rat but I did see a huge cockroach. Honestly I didn't bother me.

thanks for all the love everyone! I can feel it.

xxoo

TGI Saturday

It is Saturday... sweet relief, 5 treatments are done. Tomorr0w we are off! I got a lot out. My mom and I both have really angry rashes on our backs, we can't figure out if they are toxins coming out or they are possibly rubbing our skin off. They don't get many whiteys there.

Dr. Gretha treats a lot of kids for autism, some are found abandoned on the streets... they are treated free of charge unless the parents have money. So sometimes added to the sounds of running water, chattering of 20 people, slapping, motorcycles form the street you also hear laughing or crying kids. Which is sometimes nice and sometimes hard to hear.. Also there is sometimes music as I have already mentioned. Today the one that stuck is From This Moment..

I don't know who sings it... maybe Faith Hill? and then opera. It is such a big crazy place...You really have to just surrender and you never know what is going to happen next.

I have a feeling that I didn't really feel good for a long time and that I am about to see in hind sight I was feeling worse than I thought. I felt so great when I woke up today, almost euphoric.

I expect I will feel really good soon.

Tonight we are going to do Latihan with Ibu Rahayiu. ( we belong to a spiritual brotherhood...my parents joined 44 years ago and the center of it is here in Indonesia. Ibu is the daughter of the founder Bapak and the latihan is the excersize...it is for the soul! and so amazing that we are here able to do these things together.)

It is my nap time... mom already went down. And tomorrow we are supposed to go to the beach for the night with all the people who work in the clinic and party... Can't hardly wait to see what happens myself, I can imagine how you feel.

xxxooo