last few hours

OOOhhh I for got my camera.

It was a fun party, dancing and kareoke in a garden gazebo. Everyone was posing for pictures for Lucas' camera...Walde says she will email me some. Everybody was sweet, Walde gave us batiks. My mom sang I Saw Her Standing There with some of the girls, Rohanna made margaritas.

We all danced and then just like that it was over and everybody said their goodbyes. I had warm feelings for the balur people... It is hard because most of us can't really speak eachothers language but we do communicate. Faiza speaks full sentences of bahasa to me and I sometimes understand what she means... I did not cry and I am not really sad to leave. It was such a crazy 7 weeks...My attitude seems so different yet I feel pretty much the same. I used to be kind of superstitious and a little precious about certain things but here I really stopped thinking like that... in a way I was cursing myself. I feel grateful that all of this happened... My mom and I will have so many funny things to remember... Nothing was too scary.....Just sitting here in the Kristal hotel thinking about everything. I hope I am better. I think I am better.

xxxooo

so close

I am pretty much relaxed about going home tomorrow...In a way it is hard to believe what happened in these last 7 weeks. The last balur was Wednesday, and it was a good one but more than anything it was such a relief. Each step I sort of checked off my list and the last smoke session was long.. my room got really smoky and when it was over I was thrilled. Faiza had been asking me to do a make-over on her for weeks... I had NO makeup with me so I bought some Revlon and finally brought it in. I did some of the girls...Faiza had no eyebrows and draws them in everyday (not well) so I did very glamourous brows, it was fun to see them all watching and I think they liked it... I put clear lipgloss and mascara on Walde and she could not stop laughing.

I did not get emotional like in Malang although the hugs were sweet and everybody said they would miss us. Gretha said goodbye and we had a warm hug... She is such an enigma. There is a party today at Utami Geiger's ..she is a subud lady that also takes balur and everybody from the clinic is supposed to be there.

Yesterday we went to a mall for pedicures to hide the coffee stained nails and got a coffee from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf... It was so delicious and we were both in good moods because we are almost going home.

It is still a struggle inside my mind... sometimes I get a wave of panic that I have cancer but usually I feel like I have control over my health and my positive thoughts and feelings are healing and doing balur is powerful...My hope is that I can feel a little bit better every day, every minute and that I stay active in this balur because it needs a lot of attention.

more later...

xxoo

2nd to last balur

Faiza and Waldi
my 2nd to last table... not so black at all

Thank god it was so much better today... Faiza and Waldi were careful and attentive and everybody was in a much better mood. I tried to help Walde with her pronunciation ... when trying to say "ash" she always says "ass". Adi was giggling and in much better spirits, he wanted to know if I know Jennifer Beals... Gretha came at the very end and told me my blood test was good... and we went through some random things...squeezed my boobs, she says I am good so that is great to hear. We had a lot of medicine boxed up...now just trying to figure out how to get it all home... I can't believe tomorrow is my last balur, I have mixed emotions... it has been so life altering. Today before balur I prayed to let go of unneeded anger and I saw big waves crashing that suddenly became tranquil and quiet and I though about it all day...

xxoo

counting down

one of the funny graffiti walls in Malang

Casey Storm?

So much drama at the clinic today ...it was a less than satisfying balur.

They were very busy with many patients so they kept running from room to room and my mom and I both felt rushed and kind of irritated at the lack of focus... then when I was about 2/3 of the way through the power went out. They tried to start a generator which looked 75 years old but it only made my room smell like gassy fumes... As I sat there in the dark, covered in grit and sauces they told me the guy was there to take my blood... for this they brought in a battery powered lamp that looked like it was the set of M.A.S.H....got an enema in the dark too...It was a guessing game! I just wanted it to end ...but there was no water in my bathroom. So I filled a bucket and poured it over my head and went home with a slight film of egg whites. I really want to end in a good note so I am going back tomorrow with a better attitude, I texted with Walde and I think it will be fine...Meanwhile we are trying to get our equipment and supplies ready to bring home... there are millions of packets and frozen things and cigarettes Lord knows how we are going to get it together. It is the countdown...I don't know what will happen when I get home, I am excited to see...

xxxooo

stoned

stoners
yep

well my mom is stoned watching project runway. Rohanna and I are doing the liver flush again, mom backed out due to feeling too tender. I was in my room watching Mad Men and I heard a loud droaning noise and I thought there was a street riot... when I came out, they were listening to Rohanna's daughters music... It was performance art music ..
As I was lying on the floor of the shower retaining an enema, I felt so grateful that I came here and avoided surgery. It was an easy choice to make ... the medical standard of care for this disease is not for me...I still don't really know how this works, I do know Dr Gretha is a mad scientist and I feel like I have control of my health and I feel good. Today I went back to the clinic in Otista and was balured by Walde and Faidja... It was so furious compared to Malang... And also Gretha beat the shit out of me ... mostly my breast. She said the holes are cancer coming out and she used smoke and many liquids and hitting to make it smaller and get it out... she put the big bone right on the holes and blew many many times... and then the hitting... Oh man, it was intense, I can't really remember what I was thinking ... except just take it... After I felt crazy and kind of vibrating. She looked crazy all splattered with dirty ash water. So glad it's over. One week to go. I wonder what it will be like to be home...

xxoo

Malang to Jakarta

Subur and his daughter Nadia... Muslim baby girl headgear...

Dinner friends..and their kids.
Well, we are back in Jakarta... the airport in Malang is like stepping into the 40's... you have to get in line to pay an airport tax...it costs 6000 rupia...about 60 cents. The guy staples the receipt to your bording pass. then you just walk out on the tarmack to the plane. We came back to the Kristal hotel and got a room that is exactly like out old room but backwards, we are disoriented!

Mom made juice..glorious juice. We feel better.

Last night we said goodbye to all the people from the clinic at a big dinner at a noodle place... they brought all their kids... It was really fun. Ina asked if she could call me sister Roz because just calling me Roz didn't sound right...so my name is Ba Roz... She doesn't speak English so she had Rina translate her blessing on me...She says stay strong and think positive thoughts and be healthy... it was so touching , her face while speaking was so sincere, I just started crying and I could not stop...then sweet Rudy told me to be healthy and it put me over the edge... they are so special. I will really miss them. they all stood outside and waved as we drove away.

I felt really tired and bad when I got here but I did coffee balur and 2 enemas and now I feel pretty great...My mom and Rohanna are talking about fractals and particals. We are coming home June 12th... So so close, 6 more balurs. See how it goes...

xxxooo

Rina's birthday

singing weird happy birthday

Rina is the actual spelling... I didn't get it right on the cake. It was Rina's 44th birthday yesterday, we got her a fancy cake. they sing a wierd version of happy birthday...

Tomorrow we go back to dirty old Jakarta, so today was the last 4 hour balur with super sappy lovesongs...Like anywhere there are politics and gossip in the clinics, constant chatter. I can kind of tell what they are talking about....bullshit. It is a challenge to focus in there with all the talk, but there is really no way around it. I had 5 people smoking me at one point today and 3 were boys/men... In Jakarta Dr. Gretha got furious that Adi was in the room with me and he got in trouble...we are not allowed to tell her what it is like here... secrets and lies...but it will be hard to do it at home too and distractions are everywhere so it is good practice.
We are going out to dinner with all of the balur folks tonight... only Rina speaks english so it should be interesting.

I have had a fat little gekko in my bathroom for a couple days... they call them chichak. So packing and shuffling to get ready for out trip ,...plus as usual I am starving. We are drinking apple juice to prepare for another liver flush this weekend... I can't wait to be reunited with my juicer...

xxxooo

xxooo

ant cereal

the view from my old room... garden-y

my old room and porch...

A glimpse into the upstairs bamboo world.
Today is Rana's birthday. We got her a fancy cake and I made a cd with Neil Diamond and Dusty Springfield. Last night we hit an all time low in terms of dinner. We had muslii with milk and bananas... but when I went to pour the cereal it had ants in it... we picked them out and ate it anyway. My mom said she didn't see how they got in there as she had put a rubberband around the bag. Seriously.

xxoo

not nail polish

this is Wanto blowing a syringe...my mom's feet on the table behind him. Everyone is barefoot.
Rana pushing in the smoke...

All the dots on my leg are where they have put smoke in and it is like that on my whole body, the darker the spot the more toxins come out....first the front...then some other things happen...then the back and then more stuff and then the back and front ... it is so hard to get clean and our nails are stained from the coffee so we look filthy. My mom went to the store today without me to get groceries and she bought 2 dozen eggs for me to drink and I tried to crack one and it was hardboiled...so I stole some from the kitchen.

Feeling tired, Rana says it is because you get tired when you are regenerating healthy cells... sounds good to me... I hope the cancer porthole under my breast heals nicely when it has done its' job.

xxoo

sick coconut

the delicious pangsit noodles and sick coconut juice

Miss Enny and mom at the noodle shop

the snail outside my room
Well last night we stayed upstairs at the clinic and again it was a lesson of how much less can I take...

Slept in a trundle bed with my mom and we shared the only blanket, it is not that easy to share a blanket when you are on 2 levels. But the real challenge was no hot water. Cold balur shower in the morning was rough. My body is really getting rid of free radicals because I have broken out in little red sores in various parts of my body (a big one under my left breast) and it stings when they put the hot water...Rana says that is toxins coming out. And I must drink 10 eggs with coffee each day. The egg whites consume cancer cells.

But we are back in the lap of luxury at Enny's... what a relief. I am downloading Tootsie, one of the best movies of all time...so says AFI, or rotten tomatoes I don't remember.

Yesterday Enny took us shopping herself and then to eat special noodle soup at a place that has been there since before the war... It was so delicious and we had a drink of sick coconut which had mushy pulp and neon pink sugar syrup...it was a very wierd taste. We bought sarongs and I got flip flops, it was fun to be taken out by the lady of the house... of course we went with her driver, the man has been working for her for 30 years but he looks like is only 40 years old...We have eaten only stir fried noodles with lots of random bits in it all day... Nounkie brought it for us this morning for breakfast, it is perfect hangover food if only I had a hangover...

xxoo

clinic or coke house

Rudi making cigarettes... he is even cuter in person

me,Rana ( my balurist ) Wonto and Hubert

they smoke us..they are measuring out bags of amino acids but it looks like a coke parlour..

Today was good, more burping and no hot water in the shower... It gets cold on that table here.

Tomorrow we are kicked out of this guest house for 1 night and we are going to sleep at the clinic, sharing a room. It is Buddahs birthday so no balur. Not that they are Buddists, it's just a holiday here .. I hope I am tired and can sleep through it. I have been having extremely bizarre dreams.

I am looking on itunes for movies but nothing seems right. My hair looks like Chachi and it it is getting darker from all the coffee...My eye is all better. Yesterday at breakfast a 2 inch long tiny baby gekko crawled on my mom's leg, she didn't even scream.

Not much happens here except balur, Part of me wants to go explore this city but most of me wants to watch tv and zone out, plus I have so many things to do... enemas, showers, drink things. This morning I made scrambled eggs with scallions because I just wanted to get in the kitchen...the house is overrun with Dutch travelers eating cake and talking Dutch...snorklers I suspect.

xxxooo

love a parade

Cecil and Ina... Cecil is a helper and a smoker...Ina is my mom's Balurina..
parade people
this guys face ...

My eye was so red yesterday I thought I had pink eye...but it is getting better so fast I think it was a little infection..they gave me the 3 eyewashes to bring home so I just did it and I think I will be fine tomorrow. It was annoying to have slightly blurrier vision in that eye..

Balur was great again... I told Raina my neck and shoulders hurt and she said "OK, I beat you"

and she did but it kind of felt good and I released bubbles and I know that because the pain is gone. The other thing is that there is a lot of burping in balur... I burp and the balurists also burp... not my mom because she can't. But today I had the itchy hand again and I told Raina and she rubbed it and she started burping... like 18 burps...And now my hand does not itch... it came out through her. She says she must balur with her heart...and all we listen to is love songs. Anything Bryan Adams sings for big movies... Celine, Elton..songs about until the end of time... now and forever...please forgive me... I would do anything for you...I get lost in your eyes...Forever's gonna to start tonight! In fact, everywhere we go they are playing the cheesiest love songs of all time and I am shocked at how many of them I know.

We went to dinner around the corner which was weird as usual but when we were walking home suddenly the streets filled up with a giant motorscooter parade. I have never seen Indonesians yelling or making noise but it was like college football enthusiasm ... waving flags and beating drums... we stood on the side of the road as at least 300 people streamed by...yelling ... they were so excited to see us they screamed louder and when we waved they cheered. Again so weird. they are still out there, I can hear them from my quiet little room.

Enney, the lady who owns this place has a clothing shop and she has people here sewing stuff so I had a meeting with her today and she going to make me a shirt. She is about 80 years old and is kind of grandmother-y... It was fun to look at the fabrics and hang out with her...

tomorrow, more balur. We are trying to figure out all the potions and how to make them at home so we can continue ourselves...I am fantasizing about making my bathroom an all wet room with a copper floor.

xxoo

the falls

the waterfall... me, Nounkie, Raina and mom
the Batu crew + little van
it was cool and so pretty

Yesterday was our day off and 2 gals + one friend took us to a mountain town called Batu...

we went in a tiny van and it was really pretty... we went through big bamboo forests and to a park/farm area and saw this beautiful waterfall... they grow all kinds of stuff and on the way we saw people harvesting corn and cabbage and other stuff.

Last night in my room I heard a wierd call... of an animal I could not place, I was so scared! It sounded like it was right outside my door. Kind of like kUoo-kooooo000, first note higher than the second... I went outside and there were new guests and I repeated the sound for them and they laughed and said it was a harmless lizard, good luck in fact. But I was still freaked out. Also I heard something climbing around on the roof and down the walls but I flashed my flashlight all around and saw nothing and it sounded clumsy and like it fell down and then it was gone. I went outside to turn off the porch light and when I touched the switch it had scary little beetles on it! So today I moved downstairs to safety... I really gave it my best shot and I thought about perception and what is the worst thing that can happen in there and I realized nothing can happen...still I am happy to have moved... internet in the room! Maybe I can watch itunes movies..

Today while waiting to release my morning enema I lay on my bed and made energy balls and sent love and light to all my cells...I am gaining focus again. I also found ( in my imagination ) a baby unicorn and put it on some green grass in a tiny coral inside my left breast to keep love and good vibes in there. I am not fighting cancer but working to turn stranger cells back into perfect healthy cells. When I first went to this clinic I met a Dr. Can't remember his name... he had a thick accent and limited vocabulary. He studied cancer and wrote his masters thesis on it... he said cancer cells are your family that has turned into foreigners. Nothing to be scared of... you just have to turn them back into your family...

Balur in an hour...

I am going to feed the unicorn baby my old cells.

xxoo

the soup ( I did some art direction)

one of the lounges

breakfast table... lazy susan.

We are living in Enny's guest house, my mom moved downstairs into a room with real walls because of the constant sound of rats and who knows what on her roof. My room has bamboo walls and giant gaps everywhere but no rats or lizards... I keep saying out loud "gekkos only thank you "...so far so good.

Breakfast is included and we have scrambled eggs with tomatoes and toast. We had a lovely meal last night at Batavia restaurant ... thai seafood soup. It was a real relief to not hate the food.

There are about 30 rooms here ... upstairs is all gardens and sitting areas , Javanese style rooms with batiks and wood everything. Cold water only in the sink but hot in the shower which is just a showerhead in the wall next to the toilet. I am happy here... Last night I watched Cop Out, the Tracy Morgan Bruce Willis cop movie. I bought it in the mall... the way I knew it is a completely illegal bootleg is I heard people laughing and saw a guy change seats. I have never seen one before and although I feel guilty about it I would totally do it again given the options. There are no options...

Some things are trying to come out of me... I have a scaly rash on my left earlobe It isn't itchy but my ear is hot. Raina says it is toxins or maybe a bubble. Also I have had a reoccuring monumental itch in my left hand... off and on this whole time and it was better for a couple weeks and now it is back... I cannot stop scratching it but I get no relief because the itch is inside my hand... like in the tissue. I think it is layers of toxins coming out... excruciating. Raina gave me powder to put on and I hope it gets better.

I am sitting in one of the many grandma style lounges here and I hear the gekkos calling... it sounds like a series of little kissing sounds. I just figured something out ... sometimes I hear a sound like woodblocks... someone hitting them rythmically, I think it is like a popsicle cart with a bell... someone selling food passing by in the street hitting the wood blocks to tell the area he is here... this may be very useful if my theory is correct, foraging for food is getting tiresome.

We like it here and I think the balur is gentler so we are going to stay for about 10 more days.

I hope my series of Weeds holds out...

xxxoo

chocolate corn

mom in the bechak...
portrait of my driver while driving
mom is right in front of me
chocolate corn. ok?

photos in the next one

Balur here is very different than in Jakarta. Raina is my main balur tech, she is a muslim and speaks English well. There is a lot of talk about how they do it in Jakarta vs. here and I think Raina thinks her way is better... I do like it here and Raina seems really tuned in when she is baluring me..It took about 4 hours today...But I am not sure what was so different except the pace and how long it takes to smoke. We blow smoke 3 times and I blow the 1st time only...There are 3 ladies and 2 gentlemen blowing me and it takes forever...but I was thinking ...well, what else would I rather be doing anyway... When I got home we were so hungry so we tried to eat at a street place near the new guest house but when I ordered what seemed to be the only thing they were making ... corn on the cob, they guy gestured to a sauce and I said yes thinking yeah, I want to eat the real stuff like the people here ... I thought the sauce was going to be hot but we got 2 ears of grilled corn covered in a dark sauce which turned out to be chocolate.

Yeah , chocolate corn. So we went to a restaurant that looked western-ish called Amsterdam steak house and we rode in ridiculous man powered bicycle taxis... then we ate crappy food and waited for a taxi for half an hour and then the waiter said no taxi can come so we got 2 more bicycle taxis home... it is kind of terrifying in that thing... they merge into oncoming traffic in 4 way intersections with what seems like a " fingers crossed " attitude... I screamed a little.

We are nestled into our guest home... it is like a study of taking away... what else can I live without? Only 1 english channel on tv... no soap or shampoo or room service. I think I love it here... I haven't used deodorant or face cream in a month. Ok... upstairs to bed in mosquito net...

xxxooo

Malang Kimbali

young ones posing like old folks

more posing

my new friend...

I found my camera cable! ... We had a good day and the festival is going strong.

I know this by the constant whistle of the traffic man in the street outside my window.

The Kimbali festival is a big street fair, about 20 blocks, with all the same things as the sunset junction except everything is totally different. The he-she above was the only one we saw...No alcohol, nothing you want to buy ( we did get wooden back scratchers ) tons of food but you don't know what anything is, but we did get really good I will call them scallion pancakes... music, a sea of people...lots of photo opportunities like big backdrops and old bicycles and things to pose with and a lot of teenagers dressed in batiks and corny glasses.. It is crazy. But the insane part is how we are treated. especially me. There are NO forigners here. None. people stare, and I busted at least a dozen kids get the attention of their parents and point me out... I say hi and they look shocked, check to see what their parents faces look like and maybe say hi back and either giggle or keep staring... It is so strange we are practically famous. My mom and I were standing of to the side and a couple of 15 year old girls asked to pose for pictures with them.

I almost can't stand to go out in public...at the mall same thing ( looking for camera cable. no dice )... everyone stares and possibly giggles. One salesgirl couldn't even help me she was giggling and could not keep it together...Sorry, no sandals for miss Chinlund today.

No white people, black brown or anything else... just Indonesians. I may brave it again tomorrow, I know there is some special thing in there I need...

We move into crazy guest house tomorrow... I have a bottle of something in my fridge but I don't know weather I am supposed to rub it on myself or enema it so I passed. I did do the thing I knew I rub in..(also called balur). And now I will be lulled to sleep by the sound of traffic and whistles...

I am seriously into Weeds...there are 3 english language tv stations here... bbc, hbo and discovery.

I also play a lot of solitaire on the blackberry.......

Thank you for all the support... I swear It makes it so much easier...

xxxoooo

day 1 Malang

I can't find the cable for my camera...so no photos....for now.

We are in beautiful Malang just in time for a festival. Malang Kimbali...I think it is a festival celebrating the city of Malang and the past. There is almost nothing on the internet about it...We have seen the preliminary works which look like a lot of food stalls and many craft stalls with masks, batiks, and the ever popular puppets...the streets are crowded. We will partake tomorrow after our 9 am balur. We had our 1st balur here today, we were in the same room which is ok but it is harder to concertrate with someone else there especially someone you don't want to hear yelling ow ow owww...it hurts me when my mom is distressed even though I am doing the exact same thing and it is always ok...

the clinic is very quiet and light which is the exact opposite of Jakarta. Our balur took more than 3 hours... I liked it and feel like it is very different and more careful. the Dr. here... Dr Saraswati is very nice and she teaches something at the university ....maybe psychology? She personally took us to look for hotels when we found out everything was sold out.

We talked about my medical history and she felt my breast... I asked if she felt any cancer and she said yes but it is very small and also mobile which is great. I am sure it has gotten much smaller with the treatments...she said it is not a problem at all... I feel good about it .

We are staying at a beautiful old hotel Called Gahara Chaka. the bellboys wear shorts and pith helmets. Internet only in the lobby ! Thank GOD Marine gave me 3 seasons of Weeds...but we are kicked out Saturday so we found a crazy guest house which is like a hotel/ I don't know what, I will have to take a lot of photos because I cannot really describe it... It does have a very Javanese feel with bamboo paneled walls and batik curtains and mosquito nets on the beds...

It is definately more relaxed here and very mellow which I didn't know how much I would enjoy.

Jakarta has almost nothing I want to see or do except balur and here I think I will walk around and get into things more.

Eating is still a chore we must do at least 2x a day... not the joy I want it to be... but whatever.

I miss my life and my friends and almost had a "fuck it I want to go home" thought today but it passed.

What I am starting to understand is that I will do balur at home and keep the free radicals and murcury out of me myself and monitor my own health. Nobody can do it for me and the result is I will finally take responsibility for my self which is a long time coming... but I am glad for everything.

Maybe I am a late bloomer.

xxxooo

The noodles and the man who made the soup.
me and Walde...

I finally got some Baxso...! meatball noodle soup. Walde took me out after balur to get it. She is so pretty. Balur was good today. When I first did it I could not fathom doing it 50 more times but somehow it got easier and I look forward to it...there is a really exhilarating aspect. And one thing is that you are wet...completely wet all of the time, 2-3 hours, soaking wet. One of my favorite parts is when I go to the bathroom which is also the shower and I am covered in grit...sandy dirty... and while sitting on the toilet I pour buckets of water on myself. this cannot be done in my bathroom at home! But there is a drain in the floor and the whole room is wet anyway... It feels so relieving just to get the grit off.

I tried to focus today while they were smoking me... ordering the murcury out...and tensing while making powerful energy balls in my body then relaxing and making them go in and get the toxins ..

We are packing and getting ready to go to Malang tomorrow... there is some kind of festival there this weekend so our hotel situation is up in the air... I am sure it will work out.

I already miss my balur girls but we will be back in a couple weeks, I can't even think of how I will feel when I really leave.

ok...

xxoo

me...just after olive oil last night...and 1/2 way through with the lemon juice...
Well.... I am not sure what has happened but it seems like a lot happened.

We drank Olive oil and the lemon juice which we all thought would be worse than it was.

And then we spent 30 minutes in a particular position in bed...right leg pulled up towards right shoulder, then sleep... when we woke up and drank more epsom salts, we prepared for the release of all the stuff our gall bladders and livers gave up...and we spent the rest of the day going to the bathroom and reporting back to each other what we found... It seems like a success and like we will do it again. (I am going to refrain from mentioning any details here...) It says that you may have to do it 6-10 times to really get everything out...We watched Star Trek (the movie) today and went to a random Indonesian restaurant for lunch...I will be glad to get back to balur tomorrow...rohanna and I are watching Weeds... my mom doesn't like it... we started in the 3rd season and it is kind of gritty and violent. I like it and it is so much better than old Charles Bronson movies...

xxxooo

goodbye gallstoneswe

This is Rohanna... chopping up the epsom salts...getting ready for the liver flush!
And this is my mom... right where I left her. She loves that Kindle.

Liver flush day is finally here... we have been drinking apple juice with phosphoric acid every day for a week... Now we drink epsom salts, etc... we have been running to and from the bathroom all night... watching Amadeus...Now we are eating ice cream. Which is part of the liver flush only you are supposed to use cream but we couldn't find any without carragean...and it says you can use ice cream instead. I haven't had anything so delicious in a long time..

Balur today was rough...I was so sore from yesterday... all my ribs hurt and my skin stung with all the hot water and stuff...while they were smoking me, I did my own syringes and smoked my head and face... Dr. Gretha says you can command the smoke with your thoughts that way. So that was good. Rohanna and I went to the mall and got movies... which was funny. She talked to some little girls in the elevator who did not speak english and they were sent into fits of giggles... (My mom is telling Rohanna all about the ReaL Mozart as opposed to the movie. she knows everything about that stuff... according to her, Mozart was a big fan of Haydyn and he changed the way string quartets were written and Mozart copied his style.)

Now we sill drink olive oil and then lemon juice then we go to bed on our stomachs with right knee thrust up towards shoulder for 30 minutes... then tomorrow the magic pearls of the GALL are expelled... I can hardly wait.

yahoooo

xxxxoooo

no photos today

I got another smackdown from Gretha today..!...Oh I am beat. I had my usual Faidja and also Walde instead of Joom... Wande speaks English and is so sweet. then just after the 1st smoke Dr. Gretha came in and started rubbing me hard in the chest and then the hitting... oh man, I can't really describe what it feels like... It happens so fast and she hit my chest, then rolled me on my side and hit my side then she called for smoke... she smoked my chest and more hitting then she did my head. ohhh then my face. I was covered in ashes... and I had my Ipod on and we were listening to Faith...G. Michael...and MmmmmBop...Hanson. And then Lime in the Coconut...H. Nilsson...It was such a trip, It didn't hurt as much as the 1st time. Gretha said it's because she already made space for the bubbles to get through. After I felt really great. Exhillerated! My voice sounds resonant...and they said my face is shiny...

Now I have a whole new regimen of enemas and stuff to do... raw eggs and coffee 3x a day... I don't know if I can... but I will try. I am wiped out... But I think a lot happened today. Good stuff...

Love to my people!!!

xxxxoooo

whole family on the bike... seems nuts? but obviously it is very relaxing...

I like these guys ... taking it seriously.
Day off is over... It was a pretty weird day. We went to the hotel gym, which was pretty impressive...Like a small Gold's... It had almost everything, I can see doing it more.

then Gretha and Rohanna came over and we talked about all the medicines and potions that we must bring home so we can keep doing the treatments... there are a ton of things... some you drink, some you rub on your skin and some you enema... and we will have to make some things out of raw ingredients...and there is no real literature on this stuff... Since my cold the last few days I have been coughing and wheezing a little, tightness in my chest... It is pretty standard.

But Gretha had me lie on the floor in the kitchen and she smoked my head and chest and neck...I smoked too and did syringes .. it was pretty intense. We probably did about 8 cigarettes... ashes all over the floor, I feel so much better... It made a huge difference. Then she hit me a little and it hurt a lot... I tried to leave my body... I am not so good at that. Then we went swimming in the pool which was fun and then I made dinner with my mom and they just left. We are tired again...luckily it is almost time for bed... anyway, I have a better understanding of some of the things we do... mainly the toxins are loosened from their positions in your cells by different methods and then you catch them and send them out... attack and capture.

She inspires confidence... I really believe what she does is powerful.

nighty night...xxxooooo

This is a pretty flower we see in the morning on the way to the cab...
This is my table after treatment today... all the dark stuff is toxins no longer in me.!

And this is what the table looks like before I get down to business... the 3 bottles are the different eyewashes...I think the jar of white stuff is vitamin C...

Today was a rough balur... My mom stayed home because she is on a new schedule... she gets Wednesdays off.. she is really doing great. There was a lot of talking in quiet voices about what I don't know, but besides Adi, they had another guy smoking for me and it went really fast and furious... I think my original estimates of the smoking were a little short... They blow big syringes (no needles) of smoke into my whole body and I get 60 cigarettes a day... 20 cigarettes 3 times in the session... so that takes a lot of time... It is hard to take because it gets really smokey and I am wet and covered with asprin or vitamin C or something else and I keep my eyes closed because if I don't wet stuff sprays my eyes and it can burn... AND trying to imagine all the tiny lights going in and surrendering to God and positive balls of energy all at the same time.... and today with 2 blowers and 2 pushers it was a little more intense! Plus it is the end of my cold and I am a little worn out.

Afterwards they gave me a little treat like a tamale only cassava and coconut with a banana in the middle...

But..... tomorrow is the day of ascencion.. I think Jesus rose to heaven? and so we get a day off

and I am delighted. I have a lot of research to do on where to stay in Malang... I hope we will have more free time to roam around and get a feel for the city... here it is almost impossible.

My mom made steak salad for lunch ... Maybe we will see a movie tomorrow but rumor has it that Dr. Gretha is coming to our hotel to "teach us a few things before we go to Malang"

We shall see...

xxxxoooo

Screaming Thighs

FINALLY.... I got a picture of the enormous statue my mom and I call

Screaming Thighs... It is in a big roundabout in the middle of the street...It is terrifying. I wish you could see it in person, he is screaming and his thighs are very muscl=y I think it is something from the Olympics..because of the flame.

We are hatching a plan to go to the other Balur clinic in Malang... the other side of Java.

We are getting tired of the traffic and the noise and the rush of Jakarta... Malang is quieter, in the mountains, cooler and the clinic is supposed to be really nice. We have had a couple nurses from there work on us and we liked them so we are going next week... we will have been here 4 weeks... 20 treatments. We asked Gretha if she thought it was a good idea and she said yes... then she told me she would hit me before I go... this sounds like a threat! But I am sure it's for my own good.

I am working on projecting what I want during my treatment... so today I thought of each syringe of smoke entering my body as teeny bursts of pink lights..penetrating ... every time.

It felt really good...I had my ipod playing a beautiful song my therapist gave me that is good for the soul... Adi liked it too...even though he asked if I have any Toni Braxton.

I am thinking of tiny particles and healthy cells, and commanding the murcury out. And also trying to transform negative thoughts and beliefs into positives. I think all the good thoughts from my family and friends is helping too... so far so good...

xxxooo!!!!! thanks for the support!

mie ayam

this is one of millions of food carts on the street.

I think it's chicken noodle soup.
and this is a typical Pandang style restaurant where all the food is stacked in the window in bowls all day... I wonder if I will ever have the nerve to eat in one....
It is Sunday afternoon and our luxurious weekend is almost over...yesterday we spent most of our time in traffic...went to lunch at Koi in Kemang... which was tasty! It is such a luxury to go to a real live restaurant...with lattes.

We went to Latihan in Pamulang last night... It was really satisfying and I am glad we went.

The room where it takes place is called a pandopo, it is a beautiful room with a very high ceiling in the middle probably 25'...and chandeliers that are never on and oriental carpets, ceiling fans

and 4 big carved pillars in the middle, Rohanna said the pillars are carved out of special trees.

It is a special room for sure, they say it shouldn't matter where you do the latihan but it is really nice to do it there...

Today we went shopping for batiks and things in a big department store called Pasaraya.....I have a cold and I feel ok but I am sneezing and blowing a lot.

The liver flush is on and I might be a little crabby. We drink loads of apple juice with phosphoric acid for a week and then next Saturday, we drink epsom salts, which I still haven't found here ... and 1/2 cup of olive oil and 1/4 cup of lemon juice... then we eat berries with a cup of cream... then when we go to bed our livers just relax and flush out toxins and gall stones...!

I remember Kiki once showed me pictures of little phosphorescent blobs that she passed during this same cleanse so I am looking forward to some kind of magic.

Here are my shout outs for the week...

Happy birthday Alfie!! you are finally 1 !

Happy Mother's day alll you mothers...

Happy Birthday Stephanie!!! Yidiot.,

Happy birthday Casey!!!!! HEY batterbatterbatter......!

Happy wedding Taylor and Gabe!!!!!!!!!!

I love you alll ssoooooo much!

taxi man

This gentleman works in the parking lot of the clinic, everyday he flags us a cab...notice the green fruit in his hand.

It's Friday evening, I am mindlessly watching fashion TV... which is an endless parade of runway shows and interviews with models... It is simultaneously boring and fascinating.

My mom is sleeping. We had an epic taxi ride home that was 2x longer than usual and we were hungry and then we had to take naps. As we were getting in the cab a green fruit fell from a tree and almost brained my mom...

This was out 3rd week...we are pretty much used to it. It is predictable when you get what...

It takes 2.s-3 hours 3x eyewash and smoke your ears and nose followed by

scrub, rub vitaminC + asprin, smoke, compress(tin foil rest) enema, scrub, slap, smoke, hot rub, compress, enema, rub cassava or onion, smoke, rub coffee, enema coffee, rub egg white. done.

But yesterday a couple times during enema they actually did smoke. Yeah, they blew smoke up my ass. With the syringe. It was very uncomfortable! My stomach was gurrggling all day and all night. But today when they did it it was fine. Still I am happy to be off for the weekend.

I have a sore throat, I may fight it off ... I didn't bring a scarf so I am wearing a pair of leggings around my neck.

Rohanna and I had a conversation about how what you project is what you perceive. Like all those books about seeing and creating what you want to have in your life.. but they are missing a key which forgiveness . So all the time I was on the table I was remembering all the events I have seen as my fault and imagining forgiving everything. It will be interesting to see what that does to my treatment and we will see in the crystals in the petrie dish. I am keeping track of what I think about each time so I can compare...

ok. that's it for now...

xxoo

this is the view from our livingroom...it's raining.

and this is me in the shower right after my balur.

Balur means to rub to the left. They do the same thing in the same order every day, kind of.

the rubbing stuff in is my favorite part, sometimes they really rub hard and it hurts but it always feels good after.

Today after my Balur Dr. Gretha had me go into her office. She had 7 or 8 petrie dishes all with dates on them, we looked at the patterns that were left in the glass after drying... mine look pretty good. Some days they are better than others...it will always be up and down because

of how focused you are each time and also we uncover different layers...I asked if she can always see the cancer.. she said yes. I asked if she can see my cancer, she said NO. I said so I don't have cancer ...? no she said. I do have some little obstructions in there but now we think I don't even have cancer... and I didn't have it when I got here. that is certainly supported by the alternative healing books I am reading, they call everything cancer. Anyway, I have decided not to think about any of it and just focus on being healthy and having healthy cells.

We just watched American Idol... It was Sinatra week... after one guy sang my mom said it was a terrible performance... and " it didn't cook!" She is a real jazz cat.

xxoo

kids on motorcycles

I forgot my camera today so ...

this is a photo from the other day.. there are so many people on little motorcycles and many of them have 3 or 4 people, and a lot of kids. I am always shocked to see a whole family on one...

Ever since the first day at the clinic I have noticed everyone is kind of curious about my body...

they don't have many fat people here... they make comments like " we will make you sexy!" and " you are getting so slim!" many people there pat me on the stomach as a greeting...

and my nurses regularly pay extra attention to my inner thighs and stomach. Usually I would be embarrassed but it is so innocent and I am kind of flattered. Yesterday the Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Boom was on when I got there...and when they were rythmically slapping some smelly stuff on me they, sang it while they did my stomach. I guess I got that boom boom boom.

We are starting a liver flush tomorrow... it is not the clinic's protocall but we all want to do it.

there is a lot of apple juice and epsom salts involved. So we were in search of organic apple juice, and we found a grocery store and restaurant that is the best so far... we had sushi for lunch! And I got Radiccio and tahini... I am so happy.

I just watched friends and cried when Rachel found out she was pregnant. I hope the liver flush doesn't magnify my feelings...I don't know if I can take it.

one other thing...Please feel free to invite anyone to read this blog, I am not a secret!

xxxooo